Shoulders of Giants

Friday evening was fascinating but I remain perturbed about ventures with two slits and cats in boxes. How is it possible for a particle to be in several places at once and at the same time nowhere? Who put the cat in the box and how did he get it in there in the first place? My cats won’t entertain quantum physics. When I first suggested some experimentation they informed me that they were already in the box, at a garden party and representing the county in an aquatic sit-in at the local lido, all the while being nowhere at all. When I raised the issue again they assured me that they absolutely were in the box and perhaps I wasn’t looking at it properly. The next time they asked me to consider how difficult it is for a cat, in this current political climate, to really commit to three places at once whilst being nowhere at all. They requested details of my voting intentions before they would even consider getting in the box again and suggested that I wait a couple of weeks as they are heavily involved in a campaign for my sofa, and, as everyone knows - a sofa doesn’t win an election; another sofa loses an election. Recently a drove of posters has mysteriously appeared on my walls and I cannot help but suspect that the image has been airbrushed, although my sofa repeatedly exclaims that this is not the case and he just happens to have good fabric. The smaller cat informs me that this is a big fat waste of his time as, in quantum terms, he IS the box and he will only participate further if the ‘box’ idea is substituted with a ‘tin of tuna’. Both are adamant that this will prove more successful. Failing that they suggest that I leave the tin of tuna open, get in the box and they will watch me.

The larger one seems angry. I don’t think he appreciated the shaving for your AAT exploration. I now constantly find him in my cashmere playing all sullen and fake sneezing. It didn’t really help the cause that you failed to make any appearance in the semi-aquatic environment at all, and whilst he was fleeced of both coat and dignity to validate a ridiculous notion about fish origin, your eyebrows remain untouched. ‘Hostile’ would be an understatement. He was already furious at the suggestion of subcutaneous fat and rather shrilly referred to bone structure and muscle matter. He now claims that he’s full all the time and barely touches his dried food. The whole business is rather upsetting.

The two slit experiment was futile and somewhat exhausting. I was invested but the cats interpreted ‘interference pattern’ as encouragement to rhythmically thwack my face with their paws. No sooner had I moved to stage three, involving the throwing of bluetack balls through the second split, when the smaller cat embarked on a two-pronged attack of aiming chicken shaped treats at my head whilst the larger attempted to shave my jumper.

I am convinced my sofa is up to something. Behind me the waves of possibility are causing such a draft that I have had to resort to my red hooded cardigan again and yet, whenever I turn round, he is exactly where I last saw him and he gets really defensive if he thinks I’m watching him. Yesterday he accused me of having warped ‘reality tunnels’ and suggested that he was nothing more than a manifestation of my perception of him and, indeed, of my perception of the universe. I’m not overly concerned- it’s just sometimes I wake up feeling slightly like I’ve been sleeping for days and he looks tanned and somehow wealthier.

Are you aware that yesterday was the anniversary of Newton’s death? I coincidentally found myself standing in front of a portrait of him only a few minutes after I had been informed of this. He once said, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.” Obviously what he really meant was, “If I have perceived the universe via the signal detectors of my reality tunnels it is by vibrating on the tendencies of bigger tendencies.” If I am to see further I can only start by standing on the arm of my power hungry, galaxy tripping sofa, with, hopefully, some guidance from you.

Check out on youtube: Robert Anton Wilson explains Quantum Physics and also his contemplation on the acceleration to 2012. I would offer both in blue letters for you to click on but I am clearly not ready for such bold strokes, and, besides, Newton would have preferred the use of a prism to refract the light into a whole spectrum of colours.

KP